“Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark” is a remake of a 1973 television movie, a production beloved in cult circles, but it’s hard to believe the story didn’t originate in the murky ocean of ghoulish events that passes for co-writer/producer Guillermo del Toro’s imagination. Pervasive darkness, tiny goblins on the hunt to inflict pain, and a creepy old house of horror. This picture is right up the filmmaker’s alley. I’m shocked he didn’t direct it himself. Read the rest at Blu-ray.com
We’ve seen multiple R-rated comedies this summer that’ve trafficked in vulgarity to make themselves heard, dependent on shock value to acquire box office attention. “Our Idiot Brother” is a swell change of pace from the obnoxious norm, rooting its shenanigans in a welcome feeling of familial reality, pulling laughs from a source of frustration viewers might be able to relate to. It’s a dumb comedy but never stupid, always good-natured and sharply performed. Read the rest at Blu-ray.com
“The Smurfs” have enjoyed an extensive history of television and print achievements, charming audiences for decades now with their miniature adventures and lust for mischief. Their CG-animated/live-action film debut finally answers the question weighing heavily on the mind of every fan: do Smurfs fart? Turns out they do, with this and several other revelations just waiting to be discovered in this dreadful kiddie distraction. Franchise creator Peyo (who passed away in 1992) would be so proud. Read the rest at Blu-ray.com
More entertaining than riotous, the dark comedy “The Guard” is best valued as a vehicle for actor Brendan Gleeson, the vastly talented performer who’s enjoyed accolades and awards for decades now, yet remains best known as Mad-Eye Moody from the “Harry Potter” pictures. Digging his teeth into a delightfully sour antihero role, Gleeson is perhaps the only true reason to sit through “The Guard,” a satisfactory yet oddly monotonous police adventure in dire need of the actor’s perfectly timed delivery. Read the rest at Blu-ray.com
“The Family Tree” looks to expose the poisoned heart of suburbia, rendering the picture formulaic and a little on the moldy side. However, it’s determined, at least visually so, shoving the ensemble into action, expressing all the worry and wonder surrounding this myriad of subplots, often mashed together into a toxic whole. The feature isn’t especially humorous or enlightening, but it’s rarely boring.
Out of all the Muppet features produced since 1979, I would rank “Muppets from Space” as the least effective of the bunch. It’s not an easy decision, since the picture features numerous gut-busting one-liners and a general Muppet anarchy that’s satisfying. It’s a fine motion picture, yet in terms of Jim Henson-style wonderment and overall cleverness, “Muppets from Space” comes up short. It’s entertaining enough, but lacks the magic the Muppets are so skilled at summoning.
In 2010, director Scott Stewart brought a dopey apocalyptic action film titled “Legion” to the big screen, which starred Paul Bettany as an agent of God caught in the middle of an unearthly war. For 2011, Stewart throws a curveball with “Priest,” a dopey apocalyptic action film that stars Paul Bettany as an agent of God caught in the middle of an unearthly war. And people say there’s no originality in Hollywood anymore. Well, instead of combative angels in a desert setting, the new feature offers a plague of vampires in a desert setting. Progress?
“The Conspirator” is a sumptuously shot depiction of a lesser-known moment in history. Taking place after President Lincoln’s assassination in 1865, the picture seeks to recreate hysteria and shady political dealings during a time of nationwide turbulence. Unfortunately, instead of mounting a crushing procedural picture filled with facts and figures, director Robert Redford elects for a more melodramatic route, turning all the accusations and disgust into a wobbly drama of limited emotional impact.
When one thinks of a gut-churning, politically minded film about war, the name Renny Harlin doesn’t immediately spring to mind. The action maestro, who’s spent the last decade taking odd genre jobs to get his career back on track, attempts to crack the mystery of the message movie with “5 Days of War,” an unsettled mix of history and histrionics that benefits from Harlin’s special touch with large-scale action sequences.
When “Spy Kids” debuted in 2001, it was a breath of fresh air from writer/director/everything-elser Robert Rodriguez, the R-rated rebel who spent the 1990s manufacturing violent entertainment for adult audiences. Post “Spy Kids,” the filmmaker has immersed himself in kiddie distractions, preferring to celebrate the miracle of nosepicking to acts of bloodletting. What was imaginative and cheerful a decade ago has grown formulaic and sophomoric today, with “Spy Kids: All the Time in the World” a coarse, obnoxious reboot of the franchise, highlighting Rodriguez’s desire to keep his cash machine series alive with a brand new cast. Read the rest at Blu-ray.com
I was honestly baffled by every moment of “One Day.” Allegedly some type of romantic experience flecked with exquisite offerings of comedy and tragedy, the picture spins itself dizzy, struggling to make two completely unlikable people into a couple to cheer for. A failure on practically every level of execution, “One Day” is a ghastly representation of longing and screen chemistry. It couldn’t make the nuances of attraction more unpleasant if it tried. Read the rest at Blu-ray.com
To retain some sense of sanity, it’s best to consider the new “Conan the Barbarian” as a reworking of the classic Robert E. Howard character and not a remake of the 1982 Arnold Schwarzenegger/John Milius motion picture. The mental block will help to digest the latest round of sword and (light) sorcery, which features geysers of blood, rippling pectoral muscles, wicked villains, but surprisingly little lamentation of da women. Read the rest at Blu-ray.com
One of the great elements about 1985’s “Fright Night” was its love of movies, specifically a hunger to mimic the mood and blood-spurting symphonies of the old Hammer horror pictures. It was a tongue-in-cheek monster party, and while crippled by a few troublesome ideas, the majority of the feature displayed a plump personality and delightful ‘80’s attitude toward teen sex. The 2011 remake doesn’t share the same appetite for widescreen amusement, slimming down the vampire antics to fit today’s glossy CGI appetites, creating a slick, needless, and only somewhat inspired update. Read the rest at Blu-ray.com
Extensive and unreal violent encounters are safely folded and shared in “The Bang Bang Club,” a potentially mesmerizing look at the work of combat photojournalists ruined by ham-fisted screenwriting and ill-equipped performances. A substantial discussion of mental strain and moral flexibility is thrown out of the nearest window to play with irksome television movie clichés, taking the sting out of an alarming vocation.
“The Last Godfather” is “The Godfather” after eating a bucket of paint chips and huffing a can of gasoline. A slapstick send-up of mafia movies from the man who gave the world “Dragon Wars,” the picture is an unfunny, spectacularly tedious collection of dreadful ideas meant to pass as a wild good time. Instead of laughs, the feature will have viewers scrambling for the eject button and reconsidering the competency of the Korean film industry.
“Stake Land” is ambitious, but only vaguely successful as a bleak horror concoction. Spare, mournful, and often inert, this vampire-flavored take on “The Road” is more admirable than fulfilling, expelling more effort with atmosphere than story, wasting time with stares when legitimate tension is desperately needed.
As much as I wanted “The Perfect Game” to be a fearless Mexican version of “The Bad News Bears,” the picture just wasn’t in a wish-granting mood. More of an inspirational tale compounded with a true story, “Game” is a feature of sheer earnestness, which tends to grate and persuade with equal determination. However, it’s easy to praise the film’s gushing heart, which might be enough to satisfy less demanding viewer in the mood for a few smiles and cheers; a sparkling tale of baseball triumph ideally issued during the heart of the season.
“Mars Needs Moms” is a peculiar viewing experience where its least effective element boils down to a single obnoxious performance. Lively, richly animated with intriguing motion capture fluidity, and pleasingly designed with special attention to sprawling Martian environments, the feature is nearly sunk by the efforts of co-star Dan Fogler, who’s biologically incapable of delivering funny business, squirting his spastic funk all over this nifty CG-animated chase film.
BRIAN ORNDORF 