“Zombie Strippers!” You shouldn’t really need more than a title to explain the experience contained within. However, what if I wrote that the picture is actually an elaborate critique of the Bush Administration and current political and social woes? Boy, I would sound nuts. But then again, so is “Zombie Strippers!”
It’s impossible to take Morgan Spurlock seriously as a big-screen documentarian. Clearly he comes from the Michael Moore school of “infotainment,” only without the sharp wit or, frankly, compelling subject matters. If you thought nailing McDonalds for unhealthy eating standards in the 2004 film “Super Size Me” was an easy target, wait till you see Spurlock going after global terrorism.
“The Life Before Her Eyes” is a tender film of internal discoveries that doesn’t need any sort of artificial push. An adaptation of Laura Kasischke’s novel, the picture is yearning to follow the literary pathway led by the author, yet quickly becomes a film better at using its own artistic choices instead of trying to communicate established ones.
“Jack and Jill vs. the World” is teeming with infuriating cinematic qualities. On the surface, it’s an easy film to loathe, yet on closer inspection writer/director Vanessa Parise has managed to establish some interesting emotional corners in this otherwise bubblegum diversion, the least of which is getting Freddie Prinze Jr. to act like an adult for once.
(click cover for review)
That “88 Minutes” is a cruddy, silly thriller is nothing remotely shocking; the genre has been laying eggs for decades. How Al Pacino found himself roped into this wacky movie is another mystery entirely and one that doesn’t take much research past the words “yacht payment” to solve.
Stop me if you’ve read these ingredients before: a PG-13 horror picture, a remake of an 80’s cult classic, directed by nondescript filmmaker, pathetically kept from critics to avoid unpleasant opening day reviews, and starring a roster of insipid young actors? Surely this means only the finest quality Hollywood has to offer!
Police corruption is roasted over an open fire in “Street Kings,” the latest motion picture to look into the black heart of the LAPD and come out confused, covered in blood, and gasping for air.
I understand that the nauseatingly titled “Young @ Heart” is intended to be a joyous celebration of life, but I was bothered by the film in ways I’m having trouble putting my finger on. It’s a heavy documentary about such a cheerful moment of self-expression, but much like last winter’s “The Bucket List,” it is ultimately a story of death, and that is too much weight for this fragile film to carry.
There are times when it’s painfully clear that precious drops of life are being wasted, and I experienced one of these moments on March 15th, when I spent the better part of a day blindly chasing around the “Dentmobile,” sent to Phoenix to promote the upcoming Batman sequel, “The Dark Knight.”
If you’ve been inside a grocery store lately, you may have noticed the ice cream section now takes up nearly half of the available square footage. Cold treats are huge business these days, with every conceivable jumble of flavors out there to make sure you stay the hell out of the average Coldstone or Dairy Queen. It’s war, didn’t you know?
This could very well be the most preposterous thought I’ve had in a long time.
Last year, on October 28th, I submitted a review for "Saw III" on rottentomatoes.com. My quote for the film was “If it's Halloween, it must be Saw. And if it's Saw, it must be God awful."
Sure, a cynical, sassmouth thing to write. What can I do? I have to compete for space with so many critics, occasionally you need a snappy hook.
It’s common knowledge the studios scan Tomatoes for advertising quotes and to get a better idea how their film is surviving in the world of reviews.
Cut to this Halloween, and this “Saw IV” poster shows up in movie theaters…
Strange, huh?
Who knows where the quote was taken from. I’m sure I wasn’t the only guy with that particular quip. However…it’s suspicious. Extra fun comes from the thought that Lionsgate used a quote from a negative review. Well, extra fun for me.
BRIAN ORNDORF 
