Twentysomething
love without protection, SEALs in need of Strasberg, Tom Cruise vs. Bon Jovi,
Billy Crystal’s bathroom routine, the hilarity of colon cancer, the lulz of internet
horror, McG and the game of love, a movie with a devil of a non-ending, and a
brutal pair of Perrys. These are the worst films of 2012.
An
Iranian uproar cooled by Hollywood fakery, a failed boy scout on the hunt for
true love, fast food friction, the true price of greed, the slaughter of
reality show stars, the quest to bring Osama bin Laden to justice, positive
thinking put to the ultimate test, shaken and stirred, a mechanical best friend,
and a visit to a nightmare factory via the woods. These are the best films of
2012.
Ariel’s rebirth, Affleck’s revenge, stuttering blues, attack of the clones, superpoke supremacy, Rooster’s rage, a toothless friendship, apartment hell, unspeakable loss, and zombie flowers. These are the best films of 2010.
Plastic runaways, 100% medical accuracy, Kristen Bell x2, the strain of marriage, the wrath of Dick Chainy, Lawrence of My Labia, Edward Sullen, Schumacher’s revenge, and Nazi mice. These are the worst films of 2010.
Mexican gang life, the return of Hugo Stiglitz, orchestral synesthesia, cider cellars, Butoh dance, metal on metal, set phasers to stun, a button of death, picks of destiny, and a particular set of skills. These are the best films of 2009.
The Playboy Mansion, a house on the left, death to Wyoming, elderly teenagers, warm beer, parody blues, Columbus discovers awful, Heigl feminism, Christian horror, and Theta Pi must die. These are the worst films of 2009.
Death defying professional wrestlers, an elderly baby, low-fi film worship, Bono, vampire love, botched abortions, pencil magic tricks, exposed penises, KISS worship, and perhaps the most polarizing sequel of the year.
These are the 10 best films of 2008.
The curse of Friedberg and Seltzer, buffalo soldiers, 2012 VHS tapes, Paris Hilton, the horrors of a recycling factory, the death of film parody, Conservative desperation, Larry the Cable Guy, and skateboarding blues.
These are the 10 worst films of 2008.
BRIAN ORNDORF 
