Category: Film Review

Movies about submarines are a rarity, making the relative disappointment
of “Phantom” all the more troublesome. While far from a disaster, the
picture is exhaustively mediocre, attempting to generate suspense
without providing necessary detail, while some critical miscasting lets
even more air out of the viewing experience. Writer/director Todd
Robinson (2006’s “Lonely Hearts”) certainly has a vision with “Phantom,”
mixing masculine men and Cold War tensions in a claustrophobic setting,
peppering the effort with chases and torpedo-dodging, but the
excitement is ephemeral, washed away by a routine of sweaty stand-offs
that aren’t exactly rippling with urgency. “Phantom” has its moments,
but not nearly enough of them to rattle nerves in the manner Robinson
intends. Read the rest at Blu-ray.com

One of my primary criticisms of 2010’s found footage horror hit, “The
Last Exorcism,” was its artificial feel and cringe-inducing
performances. Intended to simulate reality, the picture felt false
throughout, leaving me to wonder why the production would choose such a
subgenre to tell their tale when they didn’t seem prepared to take the
illusion seriously. The unfortunately titled “The Last Exorcism Part II”
brings the franchise to its senses, dismissing improvisations and
shaky-cam cinematography to find a more traditional route of terror by
switching the demon activities to the realm of scripted drama, treating
the next round of storytelling in a more cinematic manner, allowing the
audience to be pulled into the tension instead of randomly bopped around
by a flimsy sense of chaos. Read the rest at Blu-ray.com

The fairy tale “Jack and the Beanstalk” gets an aggressive update in
“Jack the Giant Slayer,” a vividly imagined fantasy film with an
unexpected appetite for destruction. Director Bryan Singer can’t lift
the feature off its feet, yet his vision for towering threat and lands
far, far away is virile enough to supply a hearty adventure, sold with
unusual visual effects and a welcomingly blunt attitude when it comes to
the violence of men and monster. It’s an impressively large-scale
endeavor, only lacking a sharp wit and a blistering sense of urgency
that could carry it to greater heights of grandiose entertainment. Read the rest at Blu-ray.com

One year ago, there was “Project X,” a feature about a party populated
by teenagers swinging wildly out of control. “21 & Over” is similar
in many ways, with the primary difference being the legal drinking age,
allowing the characters to carry out their boozehound fantasies in
public. There are few surprises contained in “21 & Over,” which
marks the directorial debut for Scott Moore and Jon Lucas, the
screenwriters behind the two “Hangover” pictures, who try to resuscitate
the binge drinking formula for the college crowd. The result is a
shamefully calculated effort to merge party chaos with a coming of age
tale in a manner that tickles the audience while making them feel for
the dim-witted characters that populate the movie. Moore and Lucas do
not pull off the tricky juggling act. Read the rest at Blu-ray.com

In January they were witch hunters, and now they’re getting high.
“Hansel & Gretel Get Baked” returns the fairy tale siblings to the
screen, this time reimagined as a pot-loving, crime-solving young woman
and her picture-snapping, straight-laced brother facing off against a
drug-dealing witch. Obviously, it’s not a traditional retelling of this
classic story of temptation, but more of a bizarre gorefest punctuated
with a joke or two. Considering the ridiculous title and the
production’s lack of budgetary might, “Hansel & Gretel Get Baked”
might come across as an overlong, underwritten late night television
sketch, but there are a few highlights here worth waiting around for,
especially for those with a hankering for motivated no-coin,
bottom-shelf entertainment. Read the rest at Blu-ray.com

“The Sweeney” is based on a British television series that began life in
1975, making its American theatrical run a little on the baffling side,
though one should never doubt the drawing power of Ray Winstone. The
beefy, growling actor makes a fine if familiar impression in this
hard-charging actioner, gifting depressingly conventional material a
personality as the story high-fives every cop movie cliche imaginable.
Regardless of predictability, “The Sweeney” has its share of thrilling
moments and inventive showdowns, managing a sufficiently entertaining
ride when it allows Winstone and the cast to fulfill their bruiser
promise. Read the rest at Blu-ray.com

Considering the wealth of news coverage surrounding the activities of
serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer, it appears there’s little left to be
learned about the man and his unnervingly calm modus operandi. “The
Jeffrey Dahmer Files” doesn’t add anything to the conversation outside
of a few psychological dimensions that have recently come to light, with
co-writer/director Chris James Thompson making more of an art piece
crossed with a network news magazine show. Taking on the incredible
details of the gruesome case and its aftermath, Thompson accepts quite a
burden of informational responsibility, only to generate an aimless,
tedious picture that’s part documentary, part re-creation, and mostly
unenlightening. Read the rest at Blu-ray.com

I can easily see why a respected actress like Marcia Gay Harden decided
to take part in a dreary picture like “If I Were You.” It’s a meaty role
that requires broad comedic skills and subtle dramatics, while offering
the performer a chance to play around with romantic interactions and
boozehound sway, hitting all the corners of characterization while
spewing out a mouthful of dialogue. Heck, there’s even a touch of
Shakespeare in the mix as well. Professionally, I’m sure it seemed like a
smart movie, yet “If I Were You” is a strangled endeavor that’s 30
minutes too long and short-sheeted in the laugh department. Perhaps it
was a blast to make, but to sit through the feature requires an
extraordinary amount of patience. Read the rest at Blu-ray.com

Scott Stewart is a former visual effects artist who’s directed two major
features: 2009’s angel revolt picture “Legion,” and the 2011 sci-fi
actioner “Priest.” With that type of gloomy filmography, the prospect of
spending more time with Stewart’s blurred cinematic vision is less than
appetizing. To write that “Dark Skies” is his best effort to date is a
tad misleading but undeniably true. It’s not a profound movie, but
technically competent, while huffing Spielberg fumes in a big bad way to
pay tribute to the man who made the ultimate alien invasion event.
“Dark Skies” contains promise in its earliest moments that suggest
Stewart has finally broken out of his carbonite brick of mediocrity and
found material that benefits from his nondescript touch. However, it all
eventually falls apart. Although, compared to “Legion” and “Priest,”
it’s more of a gradual comedown instead of a free fall without a working
parachute. Read the rest at Blu-ray.com

“Snitch” doesn’t have a clue what type of movie it wants to be. A
cautionary tale? An actioner? A domestic drama? A political statement?
It’s a muddle of ideas and moods, and too many of them are not worth the
price of admission. Despite a passionate performance from Dwayne
Johnson and a few provocative ideas floating around the production,
“Snitch” takes an interesting story and renders it impotent, trying too
hard to appeal to the widest possible audience with difficult material.
It’s broad and brawny, dealing with a subject matter that requires a
fine touch of intimacy and stillness. No amplification was necessary. Read the rest at Blu-ray.com

Matt Lucas is a British comedian who received his first taste of
American success with the release of “Bridesmaids,” where he played Gil,
the working man trying to push unemployed Annie (Kristen Wiig) out of
an apartment he shares with his sister (Rebel Wilson). The small
supporting role caught significant attention, leading to a starring role
in “Small Apartments,” a comedy about Los Angeles residents in various
states of disrepair. It’s a not a particularly impressive feature, but
it does offer a creative step forward for Lucas, who provides a bravely
unglamorous performance and a general muting of his comedic impulses,
also surrounding him with an oddball ensemble inhabiting all forms of
disillusionment. Read the rest at Blu-ray.com

Why should Liam Neeson have all the fun? “Inescapable” is a rather
brazen attempt to rework the “Taken” formula with a different lead
actor, asking Alexander Siddig to suit up as a raging father on the hunt
for his missing daughter. While the feature has a fiery attitude and
Siddig’s full commitment, it’s also painfully clunky, clearly unprepared
for the challenge of a revenge film. Although politically aware and
careful with its handling of pre-war Syria, “Inescapable” doesn’t have
the juice normally associated with such violent entertainment. Its
interest in characterization is admirable, but there’s little firepower
where it counts the most. Read the rest at Blu-ray.com

“Vamp U” is a bad film, though not terribly offensive. It’s an attempt
to pants Hollywood’s waning vampire obsession with a no-budget
production aiming for laughs over mystique, though the potency of the
gags leaves much to be desired, and it has a tendency to underline its
“Twilight” target with temple-rubbing regularity. Still, on the spectrum
of wacky monster comedies starring untested and unknown actors, “Vamp
U” retains a modicum of spunk and a few smiles as it goes about its
business of slapstick and bloodsuckery. Dial expectations way down, and
perhaps writer/directors Matt Jespersen and Maclain Nelson will be able
to entertain you for 90 unremarkable but innocuous minutes. Read the rest at Blu-ray.com

As low impact CG-animated moviemaking goes, “Escape from Planet Earth”
is surprisingly persistent when it comes to staging mind-numbing
mediocrity. The potential for a rip-roaring alien adventure is there for
the taking, but the production doesn’t bother, instead recycling beats
of irreverence, action, and sentiment from other, better pictures. It’s a
drag, but a needlessly stupid one, begging on bleeding knees for
younger audiences to fall in love with it, which translates to emphatic
voice work, extended slapstick routines, and a precocious child
character meant to act as a surrogate for the nosepickers. And just to
make sure the feature radiates complete nonsense, every time a character
falls in “Escape from Planet Earth,” there’s a fart sound effect piped
in. Surely your children would rather watch “Argo” instead, right? Read the rest at Blu-ray.com

Out of all the horror productions that flood the market every year, it
takes a special idea and level of execution to catch attention. Basic
shock value is no longer enough to pass muster. “Would You Rather” isn’t
blessed with a comfy budget or particularly strong actors, but there’s a
suffocating feeling of suspense and personal ruin carrying the
proceedings along, with a healthy amount of tension to savor. It’s a
humdinger of a picture at times, guaranteed to rile up even the most
jaded viewer, while presenting in interesting, if incomplete, portrait
of human nature as it’s faced with a cold reality of choice and
survival. Read the rest at Blu-ray.com

Last year saw the release of “Goon,” a hockey comedy (starring Seann
William Scott and Liev Schreiber) that took special interest in the job
of the enforcer, a man recruited to provide violent protection for
players, picking fights with anyone to claim dominance on and off the
ice. It’s a genuinely funny picture with an amusing ugliness, but
there’s an undeniable dark side to the profession that wasn’t
illuminated in full. Director Alex Gibney picks up the slack with “The
Last Gladiators,” a sobering documentary on the true price of this NHL
fight club, featuring interviews with a few of its most notorious
participants. Read the rest at Blu-ray.com

At the risk of coming off cold-hearted, I admit I wasn’t moved by Mark
Webber’s “The End of Love.” It’s too incomplete and calculated to truly
engage emotions, though it’s not without a few surprises, chiefly in the
performance department. Webber appears to be making an audition tape
with his second directorial effort, using screen time to display a range
of moods and dramatic encounters that could go on to secure future jobs
for the actor, never quite gelling as a film of its own. Still,
elements of note do break through the artificiality, keeping “The End of
Love” more interesting than infuriatingly self-promoting, as it’s
inclined to be on occasion. Read the rest at Blu-ray.com

“Spiders” is a latest attempt to bring the creature feature explosion of
the 1950s to the modern age, and the newest example of why the genre
should remain in stasis, or perhaps regulated to the intentional
ridiculousness of basic cable productions. While giant spiders rampaging
around New York City sound like an amusing, potentially thrilling night
at the movies, “Spiders” doesn’t have the budget, the talent, or the
ingenuity to really explore the potential of the premise.
Disappointingly backlot-bound and teeming with halfhearted chase
sequences, the effort is stale and repetitive, failing to create a
worthy and suitably diverting cinematic panic. Read the rest at Blu-ray.com

“The Playroom” is a disappointing film with an intriguing premise.
Dealing with insecurities and marital dissolution in the 1970s, it’s
fair to compare the feature to Ang Lee’s 1997 effort, “The Ice Storm,”
which also mined the same material, but to greater effect. “The
Playroom” doesn’t share the same narrative drive or depth of emotion,
instead coasting on a tedious wave of anticlimactic incidents, weaving
metaphorical content with half-realized melodramatic confrontations.
It’s a misfire from screenwriter Gretchen Dyer and director Julia Dyer,
who can’t connect the puzzle pieces, resulting in a movie of attentive
performances working through ill-defined storytelling. Read the rest at Blu-ray.com

With 2007’s “Live Free or Die Hard,” the once venerable franchise hit a
shocking creative low, thwacked with a bout of amnesia that prevented
the picture from recalling what made the previous three installments of
the series so special to action film fans. It didn’t walk and talk like a
“Die Hard” production, generating immense disappointment after waiting
12 long years for the return of iconic screen cowboy, John McClane.
Turns out, the worst was yet to come, with “A Good Day to Die Hard”
effectively killing off the brand name with an asinine, immobile feature
that’s dripping with trendy cinematography and toxic banter, while a
visibly bored Bruce Willis hobbles through this dud, putting in the
least amount of effort possible. “A Good Day to Die Hard” isn’t just a
lousy movie, it’s the cement shoes on a once amazing collection of
movies. Read the rest at Blu-ray.com