“Hard Breakers” isn’t a very robust motion picture, but the idea of a female director guiding a T&A stoner comedy is intriguing, especially with a pair of actresses in the lead roles. Giving the genre a refreshing gender curl, the picture still falls short in the laugh department, with a distinctly stale sitcom air penetrating the relatively vulgar mood.
“Deep Gold” is a throwback of sorts to the lesser works of cheesecake filmmaker Andy Sidaris, utilizing exotic locales and beautiful actresses to backdrop a pedestrian tale of villainy. It’s not a very good movie, but it’s entertaining in spurts, especially when director Michael Gleissner drops his concentration on the flimsy story to raise some hell, tearing around the Philippines with a cast of wet actresses on big boats doing their damndest to make this foolishness credible.
In the months leading up to the release of “Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides,” certain members of the production have attempted to distance themselves from the wreckage of the last two sequels, “Dead Man’s Chest” and “At World’s End.” While box office was bountiful, fan reaction to the follow-ups was as harsh as an empty jug of rum, with the matinee joys of 2003’s “Curse of the Black Pearl” officially scrubbed away by overwritten screenplays, convoluted mythologies, and halfhearted performances. While it’s obvious why some would claim a rebirth in “Caribbean” mojo with this latest installment, the sad truth is “On Stranger Tides” simply resumes the mirthless antics of a franchise that’s completely lost its course.
In 2010, director Scott Stewart brought a dopey apocalyptic action film titled “Legion” to the big screen, which starred Paul Bettany as an agent of God caught in the middle of an unearthly war. For 2011, Stewart throws a curveball with “Priest,” a dopey apocalyptic action film that stars Paul Bettany as an agent of God caught in the middle of an unearthly war. And people say there’s no originality in Hollywood anymore. Well, instead of combative angels in a desert setting, the new feature offers a plague of vampires in a desert setting. Additionally, “Priest” offers its rusty delights in magical 3D, leaving its dreary lifelessness to linger right in front of your eyes!
Though it has the early designs to be a head-spinning mystery, “Hesher” is no puzzle. What a disappointment. An abrasive dark comedy that invests more in mood than substance, the picture feeds off an anarchic ambiance of metalhead insight, showing a fist when all it really wants to do is offer a hug. Blowing a glorious opportunity to create substantial psychological mischief, “Hesher” would rather play it safe, though this is hardly a traditional domestic drama.
“Bridesmaids” has more than its share of wonderful moments exploring the ease and crisis support command of female friendships, a sensitive tenor not seen nearly enough on the big screen. In fact, the film is best slipping inside this intimacy, which goes a heck of a lot further than any of the gross-out jokes co-writer/star Kristen Wiig serves up to play to the back row. “Bridesmaids” is a hoot, but it’s also ridiculously overlong and surprisingly unadventurous, almost afraid to pursue its most compelling qualities.
I like Will Ferrell when he slips into serious dramatic actor mode. The creative tidal change suits his abilities, permitting the perennial clown an opportunity to show off his unexpected range. “Everything Must Go” is perhaps Ferrell’s most consistent work as an actor, stepping inside a dubious character enduring the worst week of his life. Though streaks of comedy are present, this is Ferrell crouching in a dark corner, playing a complicated role in an unsteady, though rewarding psychological drama.
“Last Night” is an account of marital trust put to the test, though it’s not a habitual situation of primitive carnal delights. The picture dares to approach the sensitivity of emotional need, asking difficult questions about infidelity, submitting a disconcerting query: When it comes to wandering eyes and escalating flirtations, what’s the worst offense, sex or love?
With Tyler Perry spending his precious time driving his most popular character into the ground to sustain a hold on African-American entertainment dollars, burgeoning movie mogul T.D. Jakes (“Not Easily Broken”) has selected a softer approach for multiplex dominance, taking on the trials of family and marriage with the charming feature, “Jumping the Broom.”
“Something Borrowed” is a romantic comedy, thus immediately placing its contents outside the border of reality. That whimsy established, this movie is still a total crock. Even by the low standards set by the occasionally nauseating genre, the feature doesn’t play fair, electing to strip a complex situation of romance and friendship free of any human qualities. With all the crude good vs. evil scenarios passed around in this unbearable motion picture, it might as well be a western.
Now here’s a superhero that’s difficult to translate to the big screen. Born of mythology and armed with a magical hammer, Thor isn’t exactly Batman or Iron Man, lacking the brood and the gadgets required to keep viewers in a shadowy mood of fractured valor. To successfully bring the character to cinemas, director Kenneth Branagh has conjured an epic visual experience, infusing “Thor” with the expansive sweep of a comic book and some snappy personality, creating a wildly entertaining yarn that effectively launches the adventures of a new caped crusader (and his trusty hammer).
It’s easy to misjudge the South Korean drama, “Poetry.” From the outside, it might appear as another mawkish tale of self-discovery, with an older woman finally seizing the finer triumphs of the world in the twilight of her life, tasting her surrounding at the very moment it’s all about to be taken away from her. Instead, “Poetry” is a far more pained, unsentimental picture, investigating the commotion raging inside a perplexed grandmother, generating over two hours of spellbinding introspection.
Marketing is everywhere, surrounding us daily with a sensorial assault that’s slowly become white noise. The public’s ability to tune it all out has stymied advertisers, requiring more subtle means to push their brands to consumers. It’s an elaborate game of buying and selling, with the average human powerless to stop the madness. Documentarian Morgan Spurlock? Well, he wants to contribute to the invasion in the name of satire. Or whatever Spurlock calls his toothless brand of filmmaking these days.
Based on the popular international comic book created by Tiziano Sclavi, “Dylan Dog: Dead of Night” is a monster movie trapped inside an exposition hurricane. It’s a winded movie of relentless explanation, eager to guide newcomers safely into a world of the comically undead, absurdly underlining every single move it makes. The thoughtfulness is commendable but the storytelling is atrocious, wrecking a perfectly low-fi creature feature.
Well, it took the producers long enough, but they’ve finally made a “Fast and the Furious” film that didn’t immediately trigger my gag reflex. “Fast Five” is the fifth installment of this unlikely saga of cars and bros, and while dopey as ever, the fun factor has increased exponentially now that certain plot elements and subculture porn has been ditched to roughhouse in Rio with a band of crooks who’ve blossomed into a family. The acting remains atrocious, but the formula has been altered dramatically, injecting needed restlessness into a comatose franchise.
Many films claim reverence for the work of John Hughes, insisting their high school scripts match the idiosyncratic tone and wit of the late filmmaker. “Prom” is an unassuming dramedy that also genuflects before the “Breakfast Club” architect, only this reserved production actually manages to replicate a minor amount of Hughesian DNA. Though at times unforgivably plodding, this gentle teen picture keeps matters surprisingly human, evading abrasive Disney Channel trappings to play more sensitively, thus encouraging a heartier emotional investment.
Now here’s a sequel nobody asked for. A modest box office hit, “Hoodwinked” cut through the competition with its brand of fairy tale satire and sarcasm, providing a budget “Shrek” experience for families hungry for something to see in January, 2006. The sequel limps to screens five years later (after a year gathering dust on the shelf), and while the technical effort shows some badly needed improvement, the jokes are as stale and dated as ever, making the second round a sleepy viewing event, despite the presence of a splashy 3D makeover to pinch a few more bucks out of paying customers.
George Lucas. The name alone elicits quite a response in today’s geek community. The “Star Wars” universe of appreciation is no longer about starry-eyed fandom, instead transformed into a full-fledged religion, sparking a passion within its congregation that’s so profound, so damn testy, it’s easy to miss the sense of love so many swear they’re upholding with their criticisms. “The People vs. George Lucas” is a documentary covering the stormy reaction to filmmaker and his controversial artistic choices, debating the merits of his career and the perversion of his greatest success. In other words, it’s “Internet Forum: The Movie.”
Within the first 10 minutes of “Madea’s Big Happy Family” a doctor is groped, the lead character is handed a cancer death sentence, and perennial boob Mr. Brown (David Mann) threatens to beat a woman. In other words, it’s business as usual for writer/director Tyler Perry, last seen slinging Oscar bait with the sobering drama, “For Colored Girls.” Receiving a frosty response to his “mature” motion picture, Perry has hurriedly returned to the cross-dressing comfort of Madea, slapping together a half-finished vehicle for his most popular character. It’s back to threats, stress, and Jesus, with this latest film a slapdash, tedious reworking of old business.
Disneynature has taken on “Earth” and “Oceans” with reasonable box office success, but a story was clearly missing, something substantial to support the glorious images of life unleashed. “African Cats” attempts to rectify the situation by assigning personalities to an assortment of wild creatures, manufacturing a human drama to compliment the animal one. Thankfully, the producers stopped at exaggerated narration from Samuel L. Jackson, turning down the opportunity to have these regal creatures of Africa speak or possibly rap.
BRIAN ORNDORF 