It certainly took the gang at Cinematic Titanic enough time to regroup, but the six-month wait between episodes was worth the unbearable impatience. Backing away after the release of “The Oozing Skull” to reassess their strengths and weaknesses, Titanic storms back with “Doomsday Machine,” and while the series is starting to solidify pleasingly, the movie selection for this outing is perhaps too formidable for even this squad of ace comedians to conquer with quips.
Someone somewhere had the nutty idea to connect the music from the 1940s to the music of the late 1970s, and explore that combustible relationship to fashion the ultimate disco movie of 1980. It was the year that gave us “Flash Gordon,” “Can’t Stop the Music,” and “The Apple,” yet “Xanadu” trumped them all with its pageantry of glitter, roller skating, and yearning to put on a show larger than life to kick off the new decade on a skyrocketing fantastical note of nylon-jumpsuited ecstasy.
It’s not the familiarity that ultimately undoes “Wanted,” but its uncharacteristic reserve. A back-flipping action bonanza, “Wanted” is an adult cartoon, taking acts of death-defying stupidity to their most illogical extreme, and that’s exactly where this outlandish visual buffet should stay.
Pixar as a formidable storytelling machine is not an entity I’m entirely comfortable with. The studio has turned itself into a faceless animation brand name, and while I can’t argue the box office numbers, I’m not buying the artistic results. “Wall-E” is Pixar’s biggest creative gamble in over a decade; a genuine cinematic leap of faith. However, the ambition doesn’t match the outcome, and while “Wall-E” dances whimsically, it’s a plodding, frighteningly hypocritical, and forbidding film that trips over its fogged intentions at every dreary turn.
“Finding Amanda” could easily be lumped into the growing “awful people doing awful things” genre. It’s a story of unlikeable characters forced into a position where they’re expected act honorably, yet can’t exactly temper their nature to destroy their own lives. Yes, it’s a comedy.
Contractually dumped into a handful of movie theaters late last year without a wisp of promotion or pride, “Mama’s Boy” has finally arrived on DVD where it rightfully belongs. A witless, awkwardly constructed comedy, “Boy” bungles its comedic potential at every step, turning what should’ve been a jolly 90 minute diversion into a master class on miscasting.
There was a character in the last “Austin Powers” film named, appropriately, Goldmember; he was a mischievous creation from star Mike Myers, performed with a goofy voice and an eye toward grossing out the room, but he ran out of entertainment steam early. “The Love Guru” is a cinematic equivalent of Goldmember: a semi-hilarious movie that corners itself too easily and grows tiresome quickly.
“Missed it by that much!” is the classic line from the “Get Smart” television series and could easily describe the latest big screen incarnation. A woefully uneven motion picture, “Smart” is a misfire, but not entirely ineffective.
It’s easy to see that “Kit Kittredge” is after family audiences. It’s a harmless tale told without a lick of objectionable content, sure to offer relief to many parents unwilling to subject their children to the heated warfare of lowbrow summer entertainment. However, as generous in spirit as “Kittredge” is, it’s an absolute chore to sit through for anyone not plugged into the “American Girl” franchise hoedown.
Actor Danny McBride has stumbled his way into several supporting slots in recent years, prompting the nation to cry: who the hell is this guy? “The Foot Fist Way” is to blame, folks: a low-budget wannabe cult comedy shot three years ago, only recently graduating from underground DVD circulation to a small theatrical release. It should’ve stayed in obscurity.
HULK SMASH! And he does in a big way in “The Incredible Hulk,” a Hollywood patch job of sorts; a production aiming to realign the comic book chi lost to Ang Lee’s angst-riddled “Hulk” back in 2003. Now, instead of heavy characterization and a glum attitude, “Incredible” reinstates the basics of the big green hero: destruction and solitude.
The opening movement of “The Happening” is a virtuoso guitar solo of alarm. It’s the sharpest collection of footage writer/director M. Night Shyamalan has ever committed to the screen, launching his latest picture on a giddy note of assured doom; a chilling introduction to the human race’s greatest adversary: the unknown.
Though it plays like a diluted version of David Cronenberg’s “Crash,” “Quid Pro Quo” impressively maintains a bewildering mood, probing into an underbelly of cracked minds and disturbing matters of desire. It frustratingly refuses to go bonkers, but the film is a compelling sit, brought to life by two very crafty, pointed performances.
Ah, white people. What can’t they do? “Children of Huang Shi” serves up another steaming pile of Caucasian liberation with the story of George Hogg, whose acts of heroism and benevolence saved a small army of innocent children and guaranteed him a spot as a future cinematic subject.
There’s much to celebrate in “You Don’t Mess with the Zohan,” which marks the return of Adam Sandler to an unhinged level of farce he’s been trying to stifle recently in his career. However, “Zohan” is like a second piece of birthday cake: it looks and tastes terrific, but it’s just too much indulgence. Hey, I’m just thrilled Sandler has stopped trying to pluck heartstrings for the first time in a long time.
It’s strange to behold a CG-animated film that leads with a swift pace and can manage to unfurl a laborious morale without grinding the whole production to a halt. “Kung Fu Panda” is a real charmer; a lightweight, generously funny family film that benefits from simplicity and a buffet of Asian cinema influences to pick from.
If there’s any filmmaker working today who defines the concept of “an acquired taste,” it would certainly be Dario Argento. Floundering in the industry for the last 20 years, Argento finally arrives to complete his “Three Mothers” trilogy that was last heard from with 1980’s baffling “Inferno.” It’s a blood-soaked homecoming of sorts for the director, and “Mother of Tears” reawakens his mischievous spirit. It’s pure insanity, but it’s a welcome restoration of Argento’s once Kong-sized chutzpah.
“Mongol” is looking to call its own shot with big, wet cinematic brush strokes of epic storytelling, blood-spattered violence, heroic romanticism, volatile brotherhoods, tragic childhood trauma, historical leanings, and animalistic mysticism. After two excruciating hours watching the film, I will say it’s all very epic. It’s like watching paint dry, but still epic.
“The Strangers” answers the question: could a movie be made where nothing actually happens? A breathtakingly boring motion picture, “Strangers” proves a filmmaker needs more than spooky masked killers and brain-dead protagonists to craft a successful suspense offering.
Every film critic comes across a title they aren’t exactly prepared to fully understand. It’s a complicated part of the vocation, but a necessary situation that’s valuable; perhaps even shedding new light on a cinematic subject. “Sex and the City” was one of those situations for me.
BRIAN ORNDORF 