Plastic runaways, 100% medical accuracy, Kristen Bell x2, the strain of marriage, the wrath of Dick Chainy, Lawrence of My Labia, Edward Sullen, Schumacher’s revenge, and Nazi mice. These are the worst films of 2010.
Category: Film
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A Tale of Three Quotes
Being quoted on a DVD or BD cover is flattering. Some critics have made it a living. In my world, the act of being quoted is a rare event, occurring every blue moon or so, usually when there’s no other review for the studio to pick from. This past month brought three such occasions to my doorstep.
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Star Wars Celebration V – Day One
Star Wars Celebration is the big show for anyone with a major hankerin’ for sparkly Lucasian action, assuming control of a vast space and filling it with all matters of Jedi and Sith-related material. It’s an astounding presentation of hot-blooded fandom, bringing together a swirl of admirers from all over the planet (perhaps a few alien nations as well) to discuss the infinite “Star Wars” universe, hobnob with aging media stars, and buy gobs of merchandise from excitable, finger-rubbing merchants. Because it wouldn’t truly be a “Star Wars” experience without an opportunity to give George Lucas your every last cent.
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Always Late to the Party – E.T. II: Nocturnal Fears (Story Treatment)
Midway through the summer of 1982, there was no one absorbing more power in Hollywood than Steven Spielberg. With his sci-fi masterpiece, “E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial,” Spielberg not only had a smash hit flexing unreal box office muscle, but a motion picture that won over every audience it played for, burrowing straight into total cultural consciousness. The success of the picture guaranteed many changes for Spielberg that summer, but two matters were most certain: he would attain world cinematic supremacy and the studio would demand a sequel.
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A Visit to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter (Part One)
When The Wizarding World of Harry Potter was officially announced in 2007, it sent shockwaves of giddiness through theme park enthusiast circles, J.K. Rowling admirers, and fantasy movie fans. Here was a remarkable opportunity to live the Harry Potter life, not just sit passively while pages turned or images swung across the big screen. The barriers were finally being kicked down, as Universal Orlando proclaimed to the world they were going to build their very own Hogwarts right in the middle of Central Florida.
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Once is Always Enough – Returning to Tombstone
There are two types of people in this world: fans of “Wyatt Earp” and fans of “Tombstone.” I consider myself a great admirer of Lawrence Kasdan’s ambitious 1994 stab at dissecting the enduring mustachioed legend known as Wyatt Earp; however, I understand, after all these years, that my appreciation for the picture places me firmly in the minority. Most side with 1993’s “Tombstone,” and, heavens, they are a vocal majority. Not since the great Pepsi/Coke, York/Sargent, and Sega/Nintendo preference battles of yesteryear has there been such a combustible divide of entertainment opinion.
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Adventures in Hilarious Marketing – The Shrek Identity
By this point, I’m sure most people who desire to know such things are well aware that a new “Shrek” film is due in theaters later this month.
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Once is Always Enough – Returning to American Pie
Moviegoing in the sweltering summer of 1999 wasn’t just dominated by the likes of senior beard George Lucas and the introduction of his divisive, screen-hogging “Star Wars” prequels. There was another box office force less dependent on Jedis and action figures. Riding a staggering word-of-mouth wave that involved an exhaustive screening campaign on college campuses, “American Pie” rose to power mid-season, swelling into the year’s definitive sleeper smash. The picture launched a multitude of careers, grossed out sold-out showings, and singlehandedly resuscitated the teen hornball genre. “American Pie” was also a motion picture that I couldn’t stand after my initial viewing.
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20 for 10: The Movies of 2010 (Part 1)
Just a handful of movies to fear, cheer, and remain exhaustively befuddled by for the upcoming year. In 3-D!!!*
* Does not contain 3-D
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The Best Films of 2009
Mexican gang life, the return of Hugo Stiglitz, orchestral synesthesia, cider cellars, Butoh dance, metal on metal, set phasers to stun, a button of death, picks of destiny, and a particular set of skills. These are the best films of 2009.
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The Worst Films of 2009
The Playboy Mansion, a house on the left, death to Wyoming, elderly teenagers, warm beer, parody blues, Columbus discovers awful, Heigl feminism, Christian horror, and Theta Pi must die. These are the worst films of 2009.
BRIAN ORNDORF 
