The Wachowski Brothers have proven their skill with visual gymnastics and their affinity for high-octane action, but an ability to assemble a suitable family film will most likely always elude them. “Speed Racer” is an ocular slap, but it’s strictly empty calories; a joyless, over-plotted nostalgia machine that barely limps out of the starting gate.

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What happens in Vegas? Well, it usually involves a truckload of booze, which is something not readily available in a movie theater and would help this shrill monstrosity of a romantic comedy greatly. If I had anything kind to say about Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz before this film, I’m ready to take every word back.

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For some, fantasy is a place to go when the real world is too much to stomach. It’s a temporary portal to other worlds where identity can be rebuilt and victory is within reach. For others, fantasy is a requirement; a critical linchpin that removes real-world consequences and demands, and allows insular behavior to grow unchallenged by outsiders. There’s a home for these people, and it’s called LARP (live action role-playing).

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“Surfwise” is as much a documentary about an eccentric family as it is about a dream shattered by the persistence of reality. The story of Dorian “Doc” Paskowitz and his extensive brood starts off harmlessly enough, but once the outer layers of kindness and nostalgia are penetrated, the film transforms into a powerful document of familial agitation and disillusionment.

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So, the famous television show that makes fun of movies decided to become a movie that makes fun of movies. The translation is a little bumpy, but this is “Mystery Science Theater” we’re talking about here: even a less concentrated effort is guaranteed to be a pants-wetting night of endless laughs and infectious bad movie grimacing.

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At this rate, it looks like the entire cast of “Grey’s Anatomy” will eventually have an awful wedding movie to call their very own. Coming right off the heels of Katherine Heigl’s unwatchable “27 Dresses” is Patrick Dempsey’s “Made of Honor,” and it’s as robotic and tedious as can be expected from fluffy summer-weekend counterprogramming.

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Too bad the title “The Last Samurai” was already snatched up by Tom Cruise, because David Mamet’s “Redbelt” is the most authentic samurai movie to hit the screen in years. A modern-day tale of honor and integrity, “Redbelt” strikes amazing notes of drama and character composition that could only come from the labyrinthine, puckered mind of Mamet.

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If we’re talking about killer crocodile cinema, especially offerings in recent years, then yes, “Rogue” is a delight. A film predicated on ideas of suspense and pace rather than blasting violence and idiocy, “Rogue” is a satisfying, skilled entry in the water-based terror genre. Perhaps this is the reason it’s being dumped into a small handful of theaters without a wisp of promotion.

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Superheroes have been young, mutated, and alien, but they’re rarely fortysomething billionaires with a taste for one-night-stands, metallurgy, and scotch. Perhaps this is why “Iron Man” is so effective, taking well-worn feats of courage and subverting the candied results with a pinch of adulthood and plenty of acidic humor. The feature doesn’t quite leap off the screen, but it’s a wonderful ride.

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Have you ever Googled yourself? One of the more entertaining narcissistic pastimes of a slow workday, the trail of information your name leaves behind is practically a scientific experiment waiting to be explored, revealing unexpected passages of history and identity. For struggling actor Jim Killeen, the iconic search engine opened a psychological door that he couldn’t ignore.

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I’m having troubling figuring out what’s worse here: that 20th Century Fox would go out of their way to make sure I didn’t see “Deception” before opening day, or that 20th Century Fox would actually bestow something as tepid as “Deception” with a wide theatrical release. Ah, such mystery!

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Right from the start I’m stating that I detested this needless “Harold & Kumar” sequel. However, I’m well aware that it will absolutely delight the franchise’s core group of fans, so please, for the love of all that’s holy, do not step an inch further in this review if you cherished “Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle.”

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If there’s one thing to be learned from the “Baby Mama” experience, it’s that Tina Fey is a movie star. Effortlessly charming and genuine in front of a camera, she carries the film with a special poise in this, her first starring role. The rest of the movie can’t possibly keep up with her, and often doesn’t even try.

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Helen Hunt took herself out of the Hollywood game eight years ago after sleepwalking through the Mel Gibson embarrassment, “What Women Want.” She’s acted in a few projects here and there, but “Then She Found Me” feels like a breaking dam: the overflowing artistic release of an actress fed up with what’s been handed to her. Now Hunt takes matters into her own hands with this raw feature film, her directorial debut.

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Poker has been dealt some terrific cinematic hands before, but “Deal” is hardly cinematic. It feels like it would be more at home on the small screen, where the curious lack of energy running through this picture wouldn’t seem quite as severe, “Deal” is a passable diversion for poker junkies, but I fear will hold little interest for anyone not enthralled by gambling.

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For some, the Apatowing of American comedy has perhaps lost its luster through repetition. For others (and this would be me), the unwashed comedic sensibility of the Apatow family is a godsend, and “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” is another barnstorming success, flush with peculiar performances, a frothy stream of vulgarity, and a universal tale of brokenhearted loathing that’s sure to make it the finest awkward date movie of the year.

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“Zombie Strippers!” You shouldn’t really need more than a title to explain the experience contained within. However, what if I wrote that the picture is actually an elaborate critique of the Bush Administration and current political and social woes? Boy, I would sound nuts. But then again, so is “Zombie Strippers!”

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